Faux Fur Vests, Sidestepping Grizzle, and Lightening Up

WHAT:
Hola Amores! This past weekend, I made the journey down to ATL for the infamous Morehouse/Spellman homecoming. Me-oh-my! It was a sight to behold, to say the least. Thousands of beautiful black folk, the girls with their roots freshly permed, sidestepping BBQ grizzle with their freakum boots at the tailgate; the men with the fresh fades and stunna shades, grabbing wrists, trying to fill up their bench for the winter months! Guess there’s no such thing as “doing too much” when it comes to ATL’s annual stunt-fest. Which brings me to a very bold trend that I saw a lot of this weekend: the faux fur vest.

Ladies, ladies, ladies. This is the type of trend that polarizes: you either love it or you think it’s the tackiest thing you’ve seen since Amber Rose wore that camel-toe baring snakeskin body suit to the MTV awards! If you loath it, you better at least get used to it because this winter, fur vests are all the rage. Don’t hate! Participate!

WHERE:

HOW:
A fur vest can be worn inside or outside. For outside, layer it over a long-sleeved, solid-colored top or sweater. For inside, you can pair with a tank, or a short sleeved shirt. Skinny jeans or black pants are best on the bottom, and don’t forget a mean pair of boots! Also, you might want to add a sash around the waist to pull in some of the bulkier styles.

EASY-LIVING TIP:
Often, on the road to self-development, we can begin to take ourselves too seriously. Everything begins to seem life-or-death, and this sobriety can lead to negative thoughts and anxiety over the future. Conversely, having a light spirit and good sense of humor allows us to be more productive because we can let things roll off of our backs and focus in the present moment. Next time you find yourself criticizing your progress or brooding about what someone said or did to you, use these four tips to lighten up:

1. Realize that you are not your ego. When you learn to recognize that inner voice screaming “I am important! How dare they make jokes about me!” as your ego, you can begin to take control of your emotions and moods. Yes, you’re phenomenal. You have unique gifts and talents. Many people love you. But you’re also just one tiny person in world of similarly fantastic specimens, so get over yourself. Laugh with your critics and develop a humble attitude. You’ll be much happier when you do.

2. Realize the only thing you can control is you reaction. It is easy to get caught up in negative emotions. To replay an agitating incident over and over in your head. But at the end of the day, you really do have complete and utter control over your own mind and emotions, so don’t let those emotions control you! Sure, it takes practice, but next time something awful happens, don’t go off the deep end. Breath. Stand back. Before that impulse to bemoan your situation kicks in, simply fix your focus on the most sensible solution.

3. Assume familiarity. One of the best ways to lighten up is to treat new acquaintances as if they were your best friends. This will put you in a relaxed, easy-going space. It will help you to laugh, joke, and not get offended when others tease you. People are attracted to outgoing spirits and especially to people who can laugh at themselves.

4. Always take the long-term perspective. When you think about the things that worried you last year at this time, you’ll probably have a good laugh. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of today’s situation, think about something difficult you’ve been through and realize that you are still standing today. You made it through and you will make it through again. Soon your current grievances will be a distant memory, so don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. Lighten up!

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Leather Vests, the Death of Summer and Building Confidence Part II

WHAT:
Hello Divas! I know it hurts–it hurts like hell–but we’re going to have to face it: summer is gasping its last breaths and fall weather is quickly approaching. And you know what that means, right? It’s that awkward “too warm for my autumn garbs, to cool for this summer dress” period. Never fear! Over the next few weeks, I’m going to bring you stylin’ transitional pieces that will work for either season. First up: the leather vest.

Now, usually I don’t do this, but today’s selections are all from Bebe. Yes–every single one. What can I say? They did it right. From hippie fringe, to rock star chic, to glamorous leather-like pleats, a leather vest jazzes up any outfit and is perfect for day or night. But before you go throwin’ on one of these bad boys, one word of caution: must wear with confidence. Go hard or go home, ladies. This is a style statement for my Bad-Asses, and half-steppin won’t do.

WHERE:

HOW:
My favorite way to wear a leather vest is over a tank top, with skinny jeans and heels or high boots. If, however, the days of tank top weather are truly past, you can throw it on over a white tuxedo shirt, or any other long sleeved, solid top. I’m currently in love with the puff-sleeved work button up (post coming soon!). Accessorize with big earrings and maybe even a necklace or two, but leave the belt at home.

EASY-LIVING TIP:
In my last post, I talked about building confidence, and listed 6 simple actions one could take to do just that. Today, I’d like to summarize a chapter from one of my favorite books, The Magic of Thinking Big, by David J, Schwartz, Ph.D. In this chapter, Dr. Schwartz talks about the main cause of low self-confidence: fear.

Fortunately, there is a cure for the fear infection: action. If you first identify and isolate you fear, and then take action to eliminate it, no goal or accomplishment is out of reach. Here are three steps to help you on your quest to demolish your fears.

1. Deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank.
When you encounter an unpleasant or discouraging situation, we have two options: dwell on it and take it to heart or don’t give it another thought. Either way, a memory is created and it begins to grow. If you choose to dwell on it, you will certainly recall all of those negative feelings the next time you come across a similar situation. Focus on replacing self-depreciating thoughts with positive ones and take another situation as a chance to learn from your mistakes and shine.

2. Withdraw only positive thoughts from your memory bank.
When we recall negative thoughts, we build mental monsters that break down self-confidence and cause mental angst. It is true that we can’t erase negative thoughts from our memory, but we can choose what we think about. Next time you find yourself thinking of negative experience, turn your mind completely off, or replace it with thoughts of a goal, a personal success, or something that you’re excited about. Soon those negative thoughts will shrivel and disappear.

3. Get a balanced view of the other fellow.
Keep in mind that no matter how accomplished or successful the person you are dealing with is, you must keep in mind that every person has unique talents and every person is important. There are things that he can do better than you, but there are also things that you’re better at. By understanding your worth and focusing on your personal talents, you can avoid fear and intimidation in your personal and professional relationships.

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