Plaid Shirts, Crack Rock and the Key to Long-Term Relationships

WHAT:
Hi Chicas! If you’ve been shopping in the past 8 months, you know that every clothing retailer, from the high-end boutiques to the wash-it-one-time-and-it-just-might-dissolve stores (Forever21, Charlotte Russe), are pedaling plaid harder than Nicky Barnes pushed crack rock. Why? Because we’re in a recession and a snazzy plaid frock is so undeniably, so effortlessly cool…not to mention, cheap to manufacture. Something that every fashionista should have in her fall/winter wardrobe: an eye-popping plaid top.

Be it button-up or shift style, a well-tailored plaid shirt is well worth the investment. It’s on-trend but not so out there that you’ll gag at it next year. As always, I prefer a brighter color palette, but I’ve thrown in some more muted options for my color-neutral girls as well.

WHERE:

HOW:
You can wear a great plaid shirt with jeans and boots for an everyday look, or jazz it up with some leather tights and booties. If it’s a button-up, you can wear it open with a solid-colored tee. The only suggestion I have is to keep the rest of your outfit pattern-free, unless you’re going for that mismatched-patterns look (in this case, keep all patterns within the same color wheel).

EASY-LIVING TIP:
If you’ve ever read Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, or any other book on networking or being a “people person,” then you know the number one most effective way to make others like you: show a genuine interest in them. This means asking questions about the things they’re passionate about–getting them to talk about themselves (something we all love to do).

I’ve used this technique throughout my life, and boy, let me tell you–it works. But more and more, I have found myself pondering what really creates those deep, long-lasting relationships. These are the relationships that seem to elude so many close friends of mine who complain of seemingly deep connections with others (either romantic or platonic) simply fizzling out over time.

In observing these individuals, it would seem that they were doing everything right: being attentive, asking questions, turning their attention outward–hence, that initial sense of closeness. But if it’s a long term relationship they’re seeking, new rules of engagement must be introduced. You must, you must, you must be willing to share things about yourself if you want connect with someone one a personal level.

I’m not talking about sharing what restaurants you ate at last week or that story about the time in college when you got really hammered…although those stories can be fun. I’m talking about opening up about your values and beliefs, the things you’re passionate about, the things that infuriate you, make you laugh and cry. I’m talking about not being afraid to share your fears or insecurities, not being afraid to make yourself vulnerable. Why is this all so important?

Because if you’re always just asking questions, you’re never really adding value. And when that initial ego-high is gone–when someone has had his fill of talking about himself, he’ll quickly realize that you’ve given him nothing to keep him interested in you. So…I’d like to amend Mr. Carnegie’s famous tip on winning friends and proclaim that true, long-lasting relationships require a balance of listening and sharing. They require that you make yourself vulnerable, maybe blush a little when telling that embarrassing story, maybe sniffle a little when talking about your childhood dog. It’s through these personal revelations that we make ourselves human and build real closeness.

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